Lightness
by Smartwillow
Summary: Magnus makes a mistake. Thank you rahleeyah!
1. Chapter 1

The first time Kate Freelander felt butterflies in her stomach was in third grade for Ms Richardson. Good grades, apples, drawings, fake accidents in the gym. She spent all year trying to get her attention. Ms. Richardson wouldn't hear any of that. A beautiful morning of June 1991 young Kate dressed up. She was wearing her beloved purple boots and her nicest t-shirt, the one with The Kiss on it. She was feeling confident tying her jet-black hair in a neat ponytail. She was feeling unbeatable sitting alone in the back of the bus with all the other kids. She waited patiently until that class was over and when she was finally alone with Ms. Richardson, Kate Freelander asked her out.

When the school called her parents and the other children started to call her names she couldn't even understand, Kate was grateful that the school was almost over. That summer she picked the most dangerous kid of the neighborhood and made him her boyfriend. She was done with girls.

The second time Kate Freelander felt butterflies in her stomach, almost twenty years had gone by. It took her a while to recognize the feeling and a good amount of weeks to bury it deep inside. When she was sure everything was under control she unpacked and started officially working at the Sanctuary.

It was a good place, the guys were nice, treated her with respect and eventually affection.

Kate was content, even though content wasn't a word she was familiar with or remotely ready to say out loud.

Once in a while, in the brief moments between sleeping and waking, she could see deep blue eyes, an amused smile or sometimes a long leather coat. But she was always quick to forget.

The day Kate Freelander was a superhero was also one of the worst days of her life. When finally the suit went away and she stood naked in front of Helen Magnus she felt ashamed. And for someone with a life like hers it wasn't such a common feeling. She had done awful things when she was a villain but none of those affected her as much as hurting those people.

When she was free to leave the sickbay, she ran to her room, locked the door and went straight to bed. Twenty-four hours later she was still lying there, staring at the ceiling.

A soft knock on the door made her jump.

"Leave me alone, Hank."

"It's not Henry, Kate." A feminine voice answered.

"Oh! I'm sorry boss. I just need some more time so if it's not urgent..."

The door opened and Helen Magnus entered the dark room. "Kate, the pity party is officially over, you need to get up."

Kate hurried to gather the sheet, she was in her underwear and even if the curtains were closed there was a pale light coming inside. "Boss!"

"What are you doing?"

"Recovering."

"You're perfectly healed as I already told you yesterday."

"Can I have some privacy anyway?"

"Here? Are you serious?" The older woman laughed.

Kate covered her face and sighed. "Please, Magnus."

Helen walked to the bed and sat on it. Her hand reached Kate's knee and squeezed it tenderly. "Are you all right?"

"No. Yes. I... I'm not ready to face the guys, yet. And you, after what I've done."

"You have done nothing wrong, Kate. You weren't yourself."

"Or maybe that was my real self. What do you know? I've done a lot of bad things in the past."

"And that's it, the past."

"People can't change, doc."

Magnus looked at the girl with honest concern. "Why are you so hard on yourself? Since you arrived at the Sanctuary you've made amazing progress."

Helen's hand was still stroking Kate's knee, going slowly down on her calf and few inches up on her thigh. And even under the sheet, Kate was painfully aware of every tiny shift. "Can you stop? Your hand, can you stop?"

"Why?" Helen froze her hand without removing it.

"I don't really like to be touched."

"By whom? By me?"

Kate blushed, unable to look Magnus in the eyes anymore.

Helen started the caress again. "It's ok, Kate. You don't have to feel embarrassed."

Kate's anger escalated fast. She harshly grabbed Helen's wrist and twisted her arm. "I said I don't like to be touched."

"I heard differently." Helen stated calmly. With her free hand she reached for Kate's face but the girl caught it before she could touch her skin.

Magnus smiled. "It seems we're having a serious problem of miscommunication, here."

"Apparently you can't handle no as an answer."

"Apparently you can't really mean it."

"Mind reader too, Magnus?"

"No. But I do have some experience." Helen turned her body enough to stand on the bed on her knees.

Kate was still holding tightly her wrist.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you want me to do, Kate?" Kate opened her mouth but what she saw flashing in Magnus' eyes made her speechless.

"Then I guess I'll do you." Kate's grip suddenly lost all its strength and Magnus quickly turned the tables grabbing the girl's forearms. In a matter of seconds she was straddling her on all fours and pinning Kate's hands over her head.

The sheet was almost gone, covering just Kate's legs, but she could still feel the leather of Helen's boots pressing on her calves.

The girl was panting, completely taken aback by the unexpected turn of events.

Helen leaned on her. The borders of her black jacket tickling Kate's stomach as she murmured, "Do I have your attention, now?"

The girl nodded, unable to focus on anything else than Helen's breath so close to her own lips.

"Do you need relief, Kate? Forgiveness?"

"I..." But she couldn't go further. It was too much, too soon. She had spent months trying to change, trying to fit, trying to be what she thought she was expected to. And in order to do so she had pushed her desires so deep inside and Magnus so far away that now it seemed impossible to have both, a place to call home and Helen Magnus in her bed.

"Do you need me to give you that?" Kate looked scared and lost and Helen kissed sweetly her cheek. "You have to say yes, Kate."

A voice breathed "Yes". Kate knew it was hers but couldn't recognize it.

Helen smiled and kissed her lips, her hair fell down framing the girl's face. They kissed slowly and Kate couldn't tell the exact moment Helen's body laid fully on hers. Their legs entangled, and Magnus rocked on her, making Kate moan.

Helen's mouth traveled on her neck, her shoulder, down to her cleavage. She nipped her bra and sucked the nipple under the fabric. Magnus could feel Kate relaxing under her and then tensing in pleasure. The girl's hips buckled against her thigh but her movements were limited by the sheet stretched under Magnus' weight. Kate tried to free her hands but Helen kept them down. "I can't move."

"I know." Her tongue slipped under the underwear and Kate's back arched in impatience.

"I want to touch you!" But a deep kiss muffled her protests.

Helen took both Kate's wrists with one hand while the other slipped on her lover's body. "I want to make love to you. I want you to feel how much I care about you, Kate." Helen shifted enough to let her hand settle between them, cupping her lover's sex through the sheet.

"More." Kate moaned. And Helen was happy to oblige. She freed the young girl's upper thighs from the fabric and she spread them with her knee. Then she pinned Kate down with her body again and with skillful fingers pushed her panties aside. "Have you ever thought about me, Kate? About what I'm going to do to you?" She stroked Kate's sex slightly, gaining a low groan and she kept playing until all she could hear was her lover panting and whimpering.

Helen found her entrance and entered Kate whispering, "Is this better than your dreams?"

Kate cried out and Magnus kissed her, quickly raising the pace of her thrusts.

When Kate came, Magnus finally let go of her hands. The older woman kissed her lips, her nose, her eyes and moved tenderly away the hair stuck on the girl's face. "You are so beautiful, Kate."

"Doc, we have a problem!" Henry's loud voice startled them. "Doc? Are you in there?"

Helen leant her forehead on Kate's and mouthed "I'm sorry."

"Yes, Henry. I'll see you in my office in a minute." She started to kiss Kate again.

"Ok but hurry up." After a second he added almost screaming, "Doc?"

Helen turned away from her lover's lips and sighed. "What Henry?"

"We'll probably need Kate as well." Kate desperately rolled her eyes making Helen laugh. "Is she there with you? Kate are you there? Doc can you tell her?"

"She heard you, Henry. I think the Sanctuary in London heard you, too."

"Sorry, doc. I go and call Will."

Helen looked down at Kate. "I'm sorry."

"For..." But she couldn't properly finish the sentence because Helen withdrew her fingers hurting her a little.

"For this." She smiled and stood up from the bed. "Now we must go, darling. Ready?"

"No, not really." Kate mumbled.

"That good, uh?" And with that Helen Magnus was out the room. Her voice came from the corridor, "I'm expecting you in my office in five minutes, Kate."

Kate painfully moved down her arms. She had to take a shower. And find a shirt long enough to cover the red marks on her wrists and palms. She smiled contently, five minutes were all she needed.


	2. Chapter 2

Helen Magnus couldn't remember her childhood. She had been alive for so many decades that concepts like past or future no longer carried a meaning to her. The present, the very day she was breathing in, was all that mattered. It was the only way to survive. To survive to her friends, her lovers and her daughter.

The human mind, even hers so brilliant, couldn't handle infinity.

Like everyone else Helen had needs, but she had banned desires from her life. She couldn't bear the pain they always came with.

And sometimes she made the mistake of thinking that everybody else had done the same.

The team was back from the mission. The world was a safer place, and they could slip in their usual routine.

Helen hadn't talked to Kate about that day because she didn't feel there was something to talk about, but she had noticed a coldness from the girl that she wasn't used to. She hoped that once Kate was ready she would have come to her.

A week later the guys were out for dinner and Kate was eating in front of the TV. When Helen appeared at the door, the girl murmured something unintelligible and kept her eyes on the screen.

"I've been waiting for you in the dining hall."

"I told Biggie." Kate answered, still not looking at her.

"He didn't tell me anything."

"Too bad." She shrugged.

"Kate, do you know it is possible to be angry and polite at the same time?"

"Why do you think I'm mad?"

"So I'm right, you're angry."

The girl finally turned and saw Magnus leaning on the frame with her arms crossed. "Do you think I should be?"

"I can't imagine any good reason."

"Then I'm not." And she turned to watch the TV again.

Helen sighed and walked inside. She took the remote and turned off the screen. "Talk to me."

"No!" She tried to take the remote back but Magnus threw it on the couch at the other side of the room.

Kate stood up and faced Magnus. "I have nothing to say to you."

"Actually Kate, you have to."

"Why?"

"Because whatever it is, it's affecting your work and I'm your boss."

"Yeah, in the bedroom too." She smiled weakly and only the bitterness in her eyes kept Magnus from slapping her.

"Is this your problem? That we had sex?"

Kate blushed, her bravado completely gone. "It's... I... Listen doc, I don't wanna talk about it. I wouldn't even know where to start. But I can handle it and I will."

Helen looked at her sweetly. " I'm here, Kate. Let me help you."

"With a nice shag like last time? That's the way you're gonna help me?"

Helen stiffed. "I just wanted you to know how important you are to all of us."

"You could send me a fucking note!" Kate screamed.

"I see."

"What?"

"You misjudged my attentions."

"I didn't! I knew what you were doing, that's why I said no!"

"You said yes."

"I said yes because you were all over me and I got confused!"

"So you did like it." Helen bent her head slightly, trying to understand what Kate wasn't capable of saying clearly.

"Of course I did!"

"So you're angry because you liked it." Helen paused. "That's nonsense."

Kate felt her rage hot inside. She closed her fists and tried to smooth her breathing. But Magnus was looking at her with curiosity, like she was some kind of freak and it hurt. She wanted to run, to fight; she wanted those beautiful eyes to stop staring at her. Those beautiful, beautiful, blue eyes. The wall she had been building in the last days fell down and Kate snapped.

"You know what? You're right, it's nonsense. Let's just do this your way, Magnus. Let's fuck away the problem." She grabbed Helen and pressed their mouths together, but Magnus pushed her back so hard she lost her balance and fell on the couch.

"Wow, Doc. I thought you liked it rough."

"I like it consensual." She said coldly and headed for the door.

As soon as Kate was able to understand what she had done, she stood up, following Helen. "Doc! Doc!" But Magnus didn't stop, so she reached out and caught her arm. She realized her mistake when Helen turned fast, took her hand off and twisted her arm behind her back. And suddenly Kate was trapped face first between Helen and the wall.

"How many times do I have to tell you to be polite?"

"I'm sorry, doc. I swear I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'll fix it, I promise."

Magnus didn't move but eased her grip. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I know."

"And I didn't want to hurt you then."

"I know." Kate whimpered.

"You're not going to cry, are you darling?"

"No." But she sniffed a little.

Helen leaned on her, resting her head on soft black hair. "It's going to be all right." She kissed her gently on the cheek and let go of Kate's arm. "Do you want me to move?"

"No."

"Then I'll stay as long as you wish me to." She slid her hands on Kate waist, her lips caressing Kate's neck. "I'm here for you, Kate. But maybe we should stop." She nipped her skin slightly. "If it makes you uncomfortable I'll understand." Helen licked her lobe and took it briefly into her mouth. "I'd do anything to make you feel better" She bit her neck a little bit harder. "Even let you go."

"Don't." Kate moaned.

Helen smiled. "Turn around."

The girl slowly obliged. Helen's eyes were dark and looking straight into hers. Kate's hands ran up her body. When she cupped her face, her fingers shakily stroked Helen's features. Then she kissed her.

Helen didn't force her; she let the girl take her time and her own pace. Kate lost herself in the kiss, really tasting Magnus for the first time. It was intoxicating.

Kate unbuttoned Helen's shirt and took it out of her pants. She kissed the newly exposed skin, exploring Magnus' body with her hands. She grabbed her belt but then stopped and looked up to the taller woman. Helen nodded, smiling, and Kate opened the belt. She undid the buttons of Magnus' leather pants but then she stopped again.

"What's wrong, Kate?"

"It's... It's so different."

"And you don't like it?"

"No, I do. I just don't understand."

Helen took her chin up and kissed her passionately. Pressing her against the wall, easily opening her legs with her knee, pushing her weight on her centre, making her moan.

She slowed down the kiss until she could whisper on her lips, "Don't you want me, Kate? You can take me."

Kate eyes widened. She kissed her again but this time ferociously. She grabbed Helen's waist and brought her down against her hips.

She turned them both and threw her against the wall with too much strength but she didn't notice and Magnus didn't care.

Kate bit her neck, her breast. Her hands pushed down Helen's pants and panties. She bent her knee to push the clothes away and pressed her thigh between Helen's naked legs.

Kate flinched only when she finally touched Helen's sex. She was so wet that Kate marvelled Magnus hadn't let out a single moan from the very first moment they started kissing.

"Kate." The girl looked at her. "Now."

And Kate slipped two fingers inside Magnus. It felt so good.

Kate saw Helen bite her lower lip and started thrusting.

"More, darling." Kate added one finger. "Yes, just like that."

Helen's head was bent back and her clothes stuck messily on her damp skin. Her eyes were shut and when her lips parted Kate thought she had never seen anything so beautiful.

And the words slipped out. "I've forced myself not to think about you, not to feel the longing. I've fought so hard not to ruin everything. And then you came into my room just to show me what I can't have."

"Kate…"

"What have you done, Magnus? Was it worth it?" She didn't let Helen answer and kissed her hard, consuming her lips until she could feel a faint flavour of blood.

"This won't happen again and we'll forget it ever did."

Helen could see in Kate's eyes that the fear and uncertainty were finally gone. She smiled, glad she had been able to make up for her own lightness letting the girl gain her strength back.

"But now, doc, I wanna taste you." Kate fell on her knees and let herself melt in Helen's sex.

And when she came, Magnus couldn't help thinking that yes, it had been indeed worth it.


End file.
